


Outside of the Lines

by Aishuu



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Alternate Universe - manga-ka, Community: blind_go, M/M, Romance, Smut with a plot, The Livejournal exodus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-16 21:33:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2285199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aishuu/pseuds/Aishuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Manga-ka Touya Akira, who is in the midst of a creativity crisis, decides to blow off some steam with a one night stand. He just didn't anticipate the phenomenon of Shindou Hikaru getting in the way of his peace of mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the blind go community in 2007.

Touya Akira glances at the clock, noting that it is about to pass ten. It's late at night, and if this was a normal evening, he would have been asleep long ago. He prefers to work in sunlight, but recently he's been feeling blocked and needs the extra time.

He sees his characters staring back at him from depressingly wide-open pages, but he can't hear their voices right now. To him, the story he writes already exists, and he's merely privileged to uncover what is there. His fans - legion by now - say that he is a genius, but Touya doesn't agree. Touya's three weeks ahead of deadline, but for him, it's two months behind.

The story just isn't coming. He slowly sets aside his mechanical pencil, frustrated. It's going to be another day with nothing accomplished.

He pushes himself away from the storyboard, hoping that getting away from his work might help restore that spark of inspiration that's been missing. His father has always stressed the importance of having some "outside activity" to keep from fixating.

Touya's never been good at letting go. He thinks about his story every waking hour, and dreams about his characters at night. He knows he's obsessed.

Touya checks the tailored black slacks and collared green shirt he's wearing, and is even more depressed to discover them nearly pristine. It's a reminder that he hasn't been inking at all. On good days he ends up with india ink all over his clothing.

He needs to step back. He's just too wound up to think. Maybe a couple of drinks will help.

Half an hour later, he's in his favorite bar, located two subway stops away from his comfortably furnished apartment. Touya's not much of a drinker, but he loves to watch people, and this bar offers him plenty of opportunity to observe. He grabs a table on the side - all the ones in the corners have been previously claimed - and orders a whiskey sour. A couple of the women swing by hit on him, but he dismisses them with a stare. If he was seeking companionship, he would have gone to a gay bar.

There's something about this bar which appeals to his inner artist, an atmosphere so choked with cigarette smoke and other less licit recreational drugs, that speaks to him. Touya was never one of the cool kids growing up, but he knows how to recognize them, and how to recognize who the wannabes are.

The population is an interesting cross section of society, he thinks. It's a Wednesday, not prime time for this kind of place, but there's the regulars and tourists and the recently legal, which gives him plenty to look at. He notices one girl wearing a sweet yet sexy outfit, and mentally thinks Orihime might look good in it. He wishes he had brought his sketchpad, because it's the first hint of inspiration he's felt in weeks.

He wishes he knew where his inspiration had fled to. Maybe it's the fact that he's about to finish his series, which is his first success. He's spent a couple of years with his characters, and they're more real to him than the mess of humanity currently swirling around the bar.

Touya watches as a handsome man in his thirties approaches a girl that's barely old enough to be present. She's wearing a short, red skirt that shows off her legs, and the man places a hand on her thigh in a way that's a blatant proposition. The girl looks him up and down, mentally judging him, and clearly decides she likes what she's seeing. She places a hand on top of the man's to inch his up just a bit closer to her crotch. Touya wagers privately that they'll be screwing each other in the back alley in another fifteen minutes.

The idea reminds him that it's been over a year since he last had sex. Maybe that's part of his problem; sex is a human need, just like food and sleep, and he's only been seeing his own hand for fifteen months. Glancing around, he wonders if he should try to strike up a conversation, but quickly shies away from that idea.

Touya's never had to make the first move, and he's really bad at picking out the guys who swing his way. Usually he doesn't need to worry, since men come onto him first. There's something about Touya that sets off other men's gaydar, and he finds he prefers it that way. It's much more fun being pursued than chasing after someone else.

Musing on his lack of sex life only serves to further depress him. He nurses his drink slowly, savoring the burn of the alcohol on his throat and enjoying the taste. He's on his second drink, just enough to feel relaxed without becoming drunk, when someone plops down across from him. Touya doesn't spare him a glance, feeling antisocial, but that doesn't stop the new arrival. "Come here often?" the stranger asks.

Touya's had enough to drink to keep him from blushing at being hit on. "That's a really lame pickup line," he says.

"It seems to work when I need it to," the stranger replies as he slides his chair closer to Touya.

Normally Touya would ignore such forwardness, but he's just been thinking about trying to find someone, and something about the man's voice catches his attention. Then he makes the mistake of actually looking at his new companion, and he doesn't want to look anywhere else.

The young man, he thinks, would make a good manga character. His bangs are bleached very blond and his clothing is cutting-edge trendy and eye-catching. He's handsome, verging on pretty, but the play of the fabric over his shoulders indicates he also plays some kind of sport. Maybe football, he thinks, or swimming. These are idle observations, though, because it's his gray eyes that really fascinate him. Touya wonders if he's imaging things or what, but he feels like _this man could be something._

Touya tries to think of something clever to say, but like his drawing talent, it's not coming. He knows he is staring and feels like an idiot. Thankfully the stranger takes pity on him. "I'm Hikaru," he says, and he holds out his hand.

First names only, Touya thinks. He could deal with that. "Akira," he says, shaking it and being surprised at the warmth of the other man's hand. He doesn't let go quickly as he should, but Hikaru doesn't appear offended. "Can I buy you a drink?" he offers. Hopefully this guy _is_ trying to come onto him, since Touya's in no mood to get into a bar fight over unwanted advances.

"Sure," Hikaru agrees, and his smile is like being hit between the teeth with sunlight. Touya's heart starts to race, because he's now ninety-nine percent sure that Hikaru plays for his team.

Touya signals the waitress, and she hustles over. Hikaru orders a beer, and Touya agrees to a third drink as well. She's back seconds later, and she winks at Touya as she places their orders on the table. "Let me know if I can get you anything else," she says, and then she disappears.

Hikaru downs half his glass in three swallows, and Touya wonders if he's a drunk. But his posture is alert, and there's a hint of smile on his face as he leans forward, resting an elbow on the table. "Thanks," he says, and now there's a definitely playful smile on his face. "So do you come here often?"

"Occasionally," Touya replies, unable to keep from laughing at the other man's persistence. Hikaru's an imp, but an attractive one. "You?"

"First time. I'm usually not in Tokyo - I live up in Toyonaka City."

Touya raises an eyebrow. "You don't have the accent."

"I grew up in Edogawa, but I had a friend who had some ties there, so I moved," Hikaru replies. "It's a nice enough place once you get over the whole Hanshin Tigers thing."

Touya laughs at that. "Did they convert you?"

"Hell no," Shindou says, making a mock toast his with beer. "Giants all the way. Well, when I remember to pay attention to baseball." He downs the rest of the mug, slamming it down as he slants a sideways look at Touya. "Football was more my sport in high school."

"Ah, I see," Touya replies, because he knows very little about sports, except for what he's researched for his series. It's one of the reasons that only one of his characters belongs to a sports team. He likes to run, or swim, but he's never been involved in organized sports. "Are you in town for business?" he asks. Hikaru looks young, and Touya hopes he's not a college kid.

"Unfortunately, yes," Hikaru replies, and he slyly swipes Touya's glass, taking a sip of the mixed drink and pulling a face at the taste. "Couple of days in town, a visit with my agent, and I thought I'd see some of the old haunts. None of my friends were able to come out, though, so I decided to go out and see who I met." Now the smile looks flirtatious.

Two can play at that game. He boldly picks up Hikaru's right hand, earning a curious look in response. "Are you planning on reading my fortune?" Hikaru asks.

"Maybe," Touya replies. He turns Hikaru's hands over, noting that there's no ink on them. The bump on his third finger is prominent, which means Hikaru is probably some kind of writer. "You have artistic hands." He traces a finger along the edge of the bump, and Hikaru shivers in a satisfying way.

"I like to draw." Hikaru's voice drops to a husky tone. He catches Touya's hand in his own, caressing it in a way that is suggestive as he slides his seat just a bit closer to Touya's.

"So do I," Touya replies, and he doesn't pull back. Maybe a one night stand might help him relax from some of the stress. It's insane, it's reckless, it's everything Touya is not, but his head is spinning and he realizes that he _wants_ Hikaru, wants him more than he can possibly justify.

Hikaru must sense that desire. Ignoring their public surroundings, Hikaru leans in and kisses Touya like he means it. Touya's breath stops at the tentative touch of lips on his own, but then he opens his mouth, inviting Hikaru in. Hikaru's tongue obliges, swiping across his bottom lip, before touching Touya's own tongue questioningly.

Touya forgets where they are, and jerks on Hikaru's shirt to pull him closer. The first kiss somehow converts into a second, then a third... It's wet and intimate and _sexy_ and Touya's breathing hard when Hikaru pulls away thirty seconds later. He's half-aroused, and he wonders if he should make the next move.

"I'm staying in a hotel near here," Hikaru says, and there's questioning in his eyes.

"Is it within walking distance?" Touya asks recklessly. Touya's no virgin. He views sex in much the same as scratching an itch. After it's taken care of, he can compartmentalize his life again.

"Two blocks," Hikaru replies. He's standing, and holding out a hand to help Touya rise. Touya smiles, and accepts. A woman near the door lifts her glass in a salute as they leave, and Touya can only laugh.

His head is buzzing and he feels powerful as they exit the bar together. Hikaru's acting like he can't look away. He places his arm around Touya's waist, a gesture that should have seemed possessive but only served to heighten Touya's awareness of his presence.

The pedestrian population on the streets is thin this time of night on a weekday, and for a moment Touya wonders if this is such a good idea. For all he knows, Hikaru could be some kind of murderer. Then Hikaru slants him a smile, and Touya decides he doesn't care.

The hotel is a good one, Touya notices, but Hikaru is pulling him through the lobby too quickly to do more than notice the marble floors and the concierge who eyes them with raised eyebrows. Touya doesn't even spare a moment to be embarrassed.

The elevator is thankfully empty as they board, and Hikaru presses Touya against the wall, and it's a thrilling ride up the fifteen stories. He can feel Hikaru's warmth through the thin cotton shirt. He places his hands on Hikaru's shoulders, enjoying the feel of just being kissed. He meets Hikaru's mouth squarely, not backing down when Hikaru sends hands wandering over his ass and up the back of his shirt.

Touya's never really thought about why people found the possibility of getting caught an aphrodisiac, but it is. The elevator stops, and Hikaru starts to pull away, but Touya slams a hand out to hit a button to close the door. He drops a hand down to Hikaru's groin and cops a feel, pleased that the other man is just as turned on.

"Not here," Hikaru gasps, pushing Touya's hand away. He opens the door and drags Touya down the hallway with a biting grip on his forearm that makes Touya briefly fear for his circulation. Hikaru digs a hand into his jeans' pocket and pulls out a room key. A swipe later, and the door's open, and Touya steps in first.

The door hasn't even clicked closed when Touya finds himself shoved against another wall, with Hikaru's tongue down his throat. He can't even gasp for breath, but that doesn't matter because he's horny. He reaches out to clutch Hikaru's shoulders, and tries to take control of the kiss, making demands of his own. He nips Hikaru's lips gently, earning a similar bite in retaliation.

Hikaru's right hand falls to Touya's slacks, and the button is popped open and the sound of the zipper being pulled down echoes in the room. Touya groans as Hikaru brushes his fingers over the sensitive spot, cradling his balls before offering a gentle squeeze. Then Hikaru's on his knees and Touya's cock is out.

His pants are around his ankles and Touya's got a guy he doesn't know sucking on his cock, and he's more turned-on then he's ever been in his life. He grabs Hikaru's head to keep him in place. God dammit, he doesn't want this to stop. He thrusts, forcing Hikaru to swallow even more of him as Touya fucks his mouth. There's some kind of noise from Hikaru, what Touya takes to be encouragement and he moves a bit faster.

He's wound up and about to come, but Hikaru pulls back at the last moment. Touya wants to swear at him for being a tease. Hikaru falls back onto his ass, gasping heavily as he tries to catch his breath. His lips are swollen. "Not that quick," he says. "I want to enjoy you."

Enough of Touya's blood is still in his head to feel a bit embarrassed about that. Being a two-minute man isn't anything to be proud of. "Um, sorry..." he stammers, earning a laugh from Hikaru.

"No worries," Hikaru says, before standing again. He licks his lips, and Touya feels another shudder of lust. Hikaru's eyes are very, very dark. "Though I think you should strip to make up for it."

Touya obeys, wantonly kicking his pants and underwear away, undoing the buttons on his shirt and shrugging it off. It's impossible to be seductive while removing socks and shoes, though, but Touya manages to get them off without embarrassing himself. He stands as naked as the day he was born, his erection jutting out proudly.

"Now you," Touya says, crossing his arms over his chest. He tilts his head slightly, letting his hair fall across his face.

Hikaru is gratifyingly eager to obey. He lifts his shirt up, over his head, and then flings it across the room. He deals with the rest of his clothes with similar haste. Hikaru is well-toned without being bulky, and Touya notes that he's just as aroused. He takes a couple of steps toward him, and Touya starts to sink to his knees to return the teasing-blow job in kind, but Hikaru stops him, grabbing his shoulder.

"I want you," he says, kissing Touya on the lips. Their cocks rub together in a satisfying fashion, and Touya shifts a couple of times to increase the friction. "Can I fuck you?" Hikaru whispers into Touya's ear.

Touya's vivid imagination quickly supplies a variety of images in response to that. Against the wall, in the shower, on the bed, missionary or doggy... "Fuck yes," Touya replies, earning a laugh and another kiss in return.

"Just wait a minute, I've got to get some stuff," Hikaru answers, and Touya watches as the man fumbles through his suitcase for a couple of condoms and lube. He unrolls a condom onto himself, his eyes fastened challengingly on Touya's face.

Touya's a bit chagrined to realize that he hadn't even suggested those, which is incredibly stupid on his behalf. He only has a moment to think that, though, because Hikaru returns and starts to kiss him again, causing all rational thought to flee. He traces the muscles of Hikaru's back with his hands, wondering if he should get on his back or knees on the nice, queen-sized bed that's only a couple of feet away.

Hikaru has a different idea. He maneuvers Touya so he's standing in front of the bureau, with a large mirror reflecting their images back at them. Hikaru brazenly uncaps the lubricant, squeezing a generous squirt into his hand before setting the open tube on the side of the bureau. "Bend over," Hikaru says, and Touya spreads his his hands out on the bureau in front of himself and braces himself.

There's the feeling of smooth wood under his fingers, but he's more fascinated by what he's seeing. He looks disheveled and aroused. Hikaru stands directly behind him, and all Touya can see is the smoothness of his bare chest.

His own face is flushed and his hair's messy, but he could care less about that now. He can feel a gentle touch tracing around the outside of his anus, made slick with lubricant, and then Hikaru tentatively presses a finger in. Touya grunts a bit at the intrusion, shifting slightly to seek a better position.

"Tell me if I need to stop," Hikaru says softly, leaning forward and kissing Touya's shoulder blades.

"Give me another finger," Touya answers instead. He's feeling impatient, the blow job having left him frustrated and anxious.

Hikaru obliges, and Touya feels the scissoring motion. It's enjoyable, that strange mix of pain and pleasure that anal sex always is. Then Hikaru's fingers stumble upon the prostate, and Touya whimpers from the sensation that awakens all his nerve endings.

"Another finger," Touya demands again, feeling sweat start to bead on his forehead, and he lowers his head for a moment. There's that sensation of being stretched, and he looks up, meeting Hikaru's gaze in the mirror. Hikaru has pretty eyes, he thinks.

"Still okay?"

"Fuck me," he says, and then the fingers are gone, replaced by something thicker. It feels good, Touya thinks as Hikaru pushes in gently, trying not to hurt him.

"I'm not going to break," Touya says, moving his hips back to get more of that cock inside.

Hikaru growls, and starts to thrust more steadily, penetrating more deeply and less cautiously. It feels spectacular. "Look at you," Hikaru orders. "You're the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

Touya can see his face, his mouth open as he pants for breath as he feels Hikaru moving inside of him. The sound of Hikaru's balls slapping against his skin whenever he thrusts deep echoes in the room... and then Hikaru angles himself _just right_ and Touya screams as he comes. His vision goes blurry and his legs are wobbly and he has to fight to remain on his feet.

Hikaru barely seems to notice that Touya's finished because he's still moving, hard and fast. Touya watches Hikaru's reflection, and can't help smiling at the intent expression on the other man's face. There's another thrust, Hikaru's fingers dig into Touya's hips, and then Hikaru collapses onto Touya's back. To his credit, he stands back up almost immediately, although there's a sated look on his face. Touya's too tired to say anything in reply, instead mutely following when Hikaru helps him rise. He's feeling a bit shaky, but it's a good kind of shaky.

"You're really pretty," Hikaru says, kissing Touya on the cheek, and then on the lips. There's a fondness in the touch that Touya finds slightly embarrassing.

"You mean handsome," Touya corrects. He's been mistaken for a girl a couple of times while a teenager. It's still a sensitive topic.

"No, I mean pretty. You're... handsome's not the right word," Hikaru says thoughtfully. Then he gives Touya a hug, completely ignoring their messy condition. "Let's lie down for a bit."

Hikaru takes the condom off and throws it in the trash before dragging Touya onto the bed. The air conditioner is humming along merrily. Touya realizes the room's chilly, but he's still warm and has no desire to crawl under the covers.

Hikaru wraps a hand around Touya's shoulders, pulling him close. They lay together facing each other, and Touya finds it peaceful. His mind is comfortably blank, and he wonders if this calm will help him get passed the block.

He can hear the sound of Hikaru's breathing deepen, and realizes he's fallen asleep. Touya glances at the clock and sees that it's pushing two in the morning. He's sleepy, and if he stays much longer, he's going to fall asleep as well.

Touya doesn't want to wake up here in the morning. By then his common sense will be back and he'll start in on the self-recrimination. He doesn't want to have an audience for that. Besides, he needs to get up and work on his story.

A bit regretfully, he slides out of Hikaru's arms, suppressing the little voice in the back of his mind that wants to just curl up beside Hikaru and damn the consequences. Touya's never done the one night stand thing before, and he collects his clothing feeling off-balance. Should he wake Hikaru, and thank him for the time? Maybe leave a phone number? Or is it more appropriate to just leave?

He decides that discretion is wise in this case. It's not like he's ever going to be seeing the stranger again. A part of him regrets that, but above all, Touya is practical. Hikaru is merely traveling through, and it's not like a one night stand is anything to build a relationship out of. He doesn't know if he even likes Hikaru as a person. Hell, he still didn't even know Hikaru's full name.  



	2. Chapter 2

Touya scribbles down his name on the cover of his latest tankobon, offering a slight smile to the thrilled girl who's waiting.

"Thank you, Touya-sensei!" she squeals after he hands it back, hugging the copy to her chest. Then she is urged to move by his aide, and Touya looks into the next teenager's eager face.

It's two weeks until deadline, and he's stuck at a signing. _Shonen Jump_ is holding a special promotion of his manga. His series has just been picked up to turn into an anime, so there's extra publicity.

Touya knows he should be more excited about how things are going, but he can't let himself indulge in his success. The deadline for his next chapter is looming ominously, and all this pressure is making him even more stressed due to the expectations. He thinks something is missing, and hopes he's not going to have to tag on a cheap ending.

The fans attending the signing are mainly female. Quite a few of them come dressed as his characters, and a couple of the cosplayers are even good. There is one unfortunate attempt at Matsumoto that he could have lived without seeing, but he feels genuinely touched at how much his fans care about his story. To them, his characters are _real_ which helps Touya feel a little less insane for his own regards toward them.

He resents the time he's spending on this signing, time when he could be drawing - okay, staring at his blank page. He doesn't want to have anything interfere with his thought processes. If he works hard, something has to come. Never mind that it's been three months since he's had a really good streak. He wonders if his characters are mad at him or if he's screwed up somewhere.

Touya signs the next two manga without looking up, feeling depressed despite the fans' encouragement. Then accepts a copy of his art book to sign. "Who should I make it out to?" he asks, and looks up into familiar gray eyes.

His fingers grow tight around the pen, and he feels like he's getting punched in the stomach. It's only through strength of will that he keeps from squeaking in shock.

"Hikaru," says the man he slept with a week ago.

Hikaru's dressed in a T-shirt with a _Bleach_ logo, which makes Touya feels peculiarly possessive. It's like Hikaru's wearing his brand, and Touya feels a surge in his groin. _Mine, mine, mine,_ he thinks almost immediately, looking at the mouth that had gone down on him. Touya's distressed to feel a surge of want so intense that he's tempted to blow off the rest of the signing to get Hikaru alone.

One night stands are supposed to be "one night."

He can't believe they're meeting like this. Touya tends to be a private person, and he's never had his personal life and working life mixed up like this before. He opens his mouth, and then shuts it quickly before he can say something stupid.

Touya's aide moves forward to move Hikaru away. Part of her job is to make sure no one hassles Touya and he's acting unusually. There's been several incidents with overzealous fans. Touya holds up a hand to forestall her, waving her back into place. She gives him a quizzical look, but does as he silently wishes.

Hikaru's waiting, and Touya decides not to make a scene. He scribbles out the dedication, drawing a quick sketch of Ichigo with his sword, and then starts to hand it back over before an idea strikes him. Hikaru frowns as Touya jerks it back to add something else. His eyes widen when he takes the book back, reads it - and smirks.

"Thank you for your time," Touya says, offering a smile.

Hikaru just winks, before vanishing behind the queue.

Two hours later, Touya's cell phone rings, and he sees it's from an unfamiliar number. He flicks it open and answers, struggling not to sound excited. "Hello," he says. The signing's been done for an hour, and he's been waiting for this call.

"I'm in town for a while, and was wondering if you wanted to catch dinner?" a familiar voice replies without greeting.

"When and where?" Touya says, knowing he's not going to play hard to get. Hikaru's already had him once, and Touya knows that he wants that again. The sex was fantastic, and it'll be a good distraction from his deadline woes.

Hikaru names a restaurant that Touya's never been to, and asks him to meet about seven. Touya agrees, and they hang up, though Touya makes sure to add Hikaru to his contacts. There's something about Hikaru that appeals to him. Maybe... but he doesn't let himself think on it too closely.

Touya dresses in khakis and a blue shirt, the one Ichikawa says brings out his eyes. He glances into the mirror and decides it's as good as it's going to get. He's lost several pounds in the last few weeks, and he knows he's much too thin. He forgets to eat when he's working, or when he's stressed out. Mentally he resolves to eat well tonight.

He arrives ten minutes early, and runs into Hikaru in front of the restaurant. Hikaru's dressed up more than Touya's seen him before, wearing a tailored shirt and blue slacks. Touya's fingers itch to undo a couple of the shirt's buttons, but he mentally reminds himself that patience is a virtue.

"You're early," Touya says, unable to think of anything else.

"So are you."

"I wanted to see you again," Touya replies.

"Me too," Hikaru says softly, before picking up Touya's hand in his own and giving it a friendly squeeze. Touya, daring greatly, leans in to kiss Hikaru briefly on the lips. Hikaru smiles, but steps away. "Later," he says softly, holding the door open so Touya can enter first.

The maitre d' takes them to one of the better tables in the house, and each orders a drink. Touya requests a good red wine, but Hikaru goes for gin and tonic. They glance over the menu, making idle comments about the selections, before placing their orders. The waiter moves with brisk efficiency, and they sit alone together.

It's uncomfortable, the air of "first date" hanging over them both, which is ridiculous since they've already slept together. Touya starts wondering if this was a bad idea, but Hikaru speaks before he can start dwelling.

"I'm wondering if I'm supposed to be mad at you," Hikaru says, breaking the silence which has stretched too long. "I mean, I wake up alone, without any idea who the heck you are. One of the best nights of my life," and he paused to snap his fingers, "and then like Cinderella my lover's gone."

Touya's not comfortable with the term "lover" being applied in this case, since that implies deep emotion and commitment. "I - wasn't sure what to do. I've never really done something like that before," he confesses, staring down into his wine glass.

"Neither have I," Hikaru answers softly. "But I looked at you, and knew you were special, and I decided to just go for it." He takes a sip of his drink before laughing a bit harshly. "I won't say I'm sorry, because I'm not."

Touya isn't either, he decides. That night with Hikaru has been the one bright spot in the past couple months, and he can't regret it. "When did you figure out who I was?" Touya asks. He hates the nagging idea that Hikaru might be a fan looking to get laid by a celebrity.

Hikaru shifts in his seat. "Honestly? When I walked in the store," he says, setting Touya's nerves at ease. "I'm a fan," he confesses. "You're very talented."

"Thanks," Touya replies, deciding that the coincidence _is_ kind of amusing. His series is popular, so it's not surprising Hikaru likes his work. "It does seem a little unfair that you know who I am. I still don't know your full name."

Hikaru actually looks guilty. "Can't I just be your man of mystery for a while?" he asks.

The response raises an alarm in Touya's head, and he loses his smile and pulls back. "Is there some reason you don't want me to know who you are?"

Hikaru's shoulders slump in defeat. "You're probably not going to like it," Hikaru murmurs, and then shakes his head. "My last name is Shindou. Shindou Hikaru." He waits for a long moment, obviously expecting Touya to recognize it.

It takes a second for the name to click, but when it does, Touya feels like hyperventilating. Shindou Hikaru is an up-and-coming mangaka, whose creation, _Death Note_ , is taking the manga world by storm.

Touya himself had read and admired the series, now verging on twenty chapters, with a mixture of irritation and interest. The story and art were both good, but they also relied on shinigami as a main plot point - not unlike _Bleach._ While Touya recognizes, intellectually, that Shindou is working independently, a part of him was proprietorial about shinigami. It is an irrational feeling, but Touya still feels it.

And they've managed to sleep together. Of all the people to pick up in a bar, he ends up with a rival. Touya starts to laugh, the sound cutting. "Did you know who I-" he asks again, because the odds are simply staggering against it.

"No!" and the quickness of Hikaru's response is reassuring. "Complete chance." He takes a deep breath, placing his hands on the table in front of him. "Not that I regret it. I've been wanting to meet you for a while."

Touya isn't sure how to react. He considers getting up and walking out, but this situation is partly his fault. He should never have followed Hikaru back to his hotel room. "Really," he says flatly.

"I-" Hikaru takes a deep breath. For the first time since they've met, he seems at a loss for words. "I, damn it, this isn't what I wanted."

"What did you want?" Touya asks. He's getting angry, although he can't tell if it's at himself or _Shindou Hikaru_. He doesn't want to feel threatened by the other man. Touya's already successful in his own right.

"I want to know you," Hikaru says, and he reaches across the table to clutch Touya's hands tightly, almost painfully so. "I wanted to know you when we met, and I want to know you even more now that I know who you are."

Touya sits rigidly as he hears the words, but it's Hikaru's expression that gets to him. There is loneliness in his eyes, which Touya understands all too well. He knows the pressures Hikaru. Success is a burden, though few people realize that.

Maybe Hikaru might be able to understand.

He takes a deep breath, and then offers a smile. "I'm Touya Akira. I'm a mangaka," he says, holding out a hand, western-style, to Hikaru. "It's nice to meet you."

Hikaru's smile is brilliant in return as he takes Touya's hand. "I'm Shindou Hikaru!" he says. "I'm a mangaka, too."

They laugh together, and the tension between them vanishes. Moments later the waiter appears with the first course, and they fall into the "get to know you" talk they bypassed the last time they met. "How did you get started?" Hikaru asks.

"I worked with my father," Touya replies. "My father's been drawing _Doraemon_ since before I was born. His studio was located in our home, and I was around my father and his aides as long as I can remember. I think I learned to draw before I could read. I inked my first background when I was twelve. By the time I was fifteen, I was working for my father part-time."

"Did you ever consider doing anything else?"

"Is there anything else?" Touya asks, lifting an eyebrow.

Hikaru laughs at that. "Not once you have the bug," he says understandingly. "Why aren't you still with him?"

It is a question that Touya usually dreads. There's many assistants that stay with a lead mangaka for ages. Touya is the logical successor to his father's legacy, should Touya Kouyo decide he wants to retire. The series is popular enough that it would be easy for Touya to make a living off of.

"I wanted to tell my own stories," Touya says simply. He stares boldly at the other man, daring him to contradict that statement. "How did you start?"

Hikaru smiles as the focus of the questioning shifts. "I was originally part of the team that worked as Sai," Hikaru says. A soft smile appear on his lips, and he stares down at his hands.

Touya recognizes the name. Sai had sprung into prominence from nowhere, working on completing several of the series left incomplete by the God of Manga, Tezuka Osamu, after his unexpected death. Other fans tried to finish the great Tezuka's work, but it was widely agreed that the Sai Doujinshi Circle had come up with the tale closest to the spirit of the original. Sai had produced twenty-odd tankobon of _Ludwig B_ before vanishing upon the series' completion. Touya was one of several professionals to be impressed by the work.

"Did you draw or write?" Touya asks. There's many teams that split the roles, although Touya's been handling the whole story load on his own, without an assistant. He only uses an aide when it comes to the business aspect of his work.

"I drew, since my partner... couldn't. It was his story." Shindou sighs, before shaking his head. " _Death Note's_ all mine, though."

There's pride in his voice, a kind of challenge that Touya understands. He knows that as son of the great Touyo Kouyo, he's had doors open that most struggling mangaka do not. At times he is grateful for the opportunity, but lately he's been filled with resentment. He likes to think he's talented enough to make it on his own, but he'll never know if that's true. He has to be a success, because he wants to prove his critics wrong.

He wants to surpass his father. He wagers Hikaru wants to do something similar, claiming his own kind of fame.

"Your series is very good," Touya says, and he's not lying. _Death Note_ has all the hallmarks of brilliance, with well-drawn art and a twisting, intriguing plot. It strikes him as strange that Hikaru, who's such a warm person, could create such a dark universe.

"Thank you," Hikaru replies, "but it would have been better if Sai had worked on it with me."

Akira was slightly confused, since Hikaru had mentioned being part of the Sai Circle. He didn't realize it was the name of the story writer. "Was Sai your partner?"

"He was my best friend," Hikaru responds, his eyes growing distant. Touya can't help by wonder if Sai had been a lover as well, and is irritated to find himself unhappy at the thought. It's not like he and Hikaru are in a relationship.

_Yet_ , says that annoying little voice at the back of his mind.

Dinner arrives then, and the topic changes to the quality of the food. Hikaru thinks the fish is mediocre, but Touya ordered the pasta, which is prepared perfectly _al dente._ He offers Hikaru a forkful, and watches the sensual way his eyes close in pleasure at the taste. They end up splitting most of Touya's entree, playfully feeding each other.

Hikaru's a perfect date, Touya realizes about halfway through the meal. Touya can talk about his characters like they're real, and Hikaru doesn't think he's insane. He talks about his frustration with his plot, and his fear of failing spectacularly. In turn, Hikaru talks about the sheer amount of research his series requires, and his annoyance at the reaction it has provoked from some reactionaries. Since they've both read each other's series closely, there's no information gap between the two of them.

They talk about technique and where they buy their supplies, and both agree that _Shonen Jump_ 's managing editor Amano is a nice guy, but sometimes clueless about what being an artist entails. They chat through dessert and coffee, and eventually the waiters start placing chairs on top of the other vacant tables in a not-too-subtle hint that it's time to pay the bill and get out.

Touya's a bit amazed to find it's passed midnight. He waits as Hikaru pays the bill, and they walk out together. Touya's body starts to feel the tingles of arousal in anticipation.

"Goodnight, Akira," Hikaru says. "Give me a call, and we'll go out again." He smiles and waves, and then he's gone, leaving a confused Touya in his wake.

There hadn't even been a goodnight kiss, and Touya had been planning on bringing Hikaru to his own apartment this time. Hot and frustrated, Touya goes home and takes a cold shower. As the water beats down on his skin, he realizes it's not helping. He has to take his hand to his own cock to find some kind of relief.  



	3. Chapter 3

  
Touya wakes up early the next Saturday and gets dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt, with a headband pulling his hair back from his face. He collects his Ipod, which is full of a mish-mash of songs that get his blood pumping, and then heads out to run. He has about a week to send in his next chapter, and the progress he's made is very slight. Non-existent, if he's to be honest.   
  
He's never been overly fond of physical exercise, but he finds it sometimes helps him get thinking clearly. He hits the road and starts toward the park, where he can use the trails and think on his story. It only takes him a couple of minutes to get there. He sets off at a steady, ground-eating lope on his favorite trail. The music is cranked up high, but he hardly hears it as he mulls on what he already knows.   
  
It should be simple from here; he's got all his characters in place, and all he needs is some kind of climatic battle. Then he can decide if he's going to kill his female lead, Rukia, who's currently on death row. Ichigo, his protagonist, is racing against the clock to save her. His editor, Ichikawa Harumi, is encouraging him to just have Ichigo save Rukia and take her off into the sunset for a happily ever after, but he vehemently rejects that idea. He doesn't think they're meant to be lovers.   
  
He doesn't want to cram his characters into roles that aren't right for them. He wants them to walk their own paths, no matter how frustrating the idea is right now. Besides, if he settles, he knows the ending is going to be a dud.   
  
"News from the Front," a song which he's assigned as his protagonist's "theme," comes on and he listens to the lyrics carefully, hoping for some inspiration to come. He likes working to music, drawing ideas from it. But the only thing that comes to him is a vivid image of Hikaru, and the way he had looked the last time they met. He tries to brush the memory aside, but he can't.   
  
Always before, Touya could claim a single-minded devotion to his goals. He has to live up to his legacy as his father's son, and his characters deserve his attention. He has never let anything get in his way before, but suddenly there is someone else. There is something about Hikaru that distracts him.   
  
He can't afford that, he tells himself. He needs to focus on _Bleach_ , because there's nothing more important than finishing the story.   
  
The sky's threatening rain, and Touya tilts his head back, slowing down to make sure he gets caught in the storm. Maybe he can ask for a vacation and take a bit more time to think; it's not like Zama hasn't taken year-long sabbaticals from writing _Hunter x Hunter._ Of course, Zama has a not-entirely-respectable reputation in the business, and Touya doesn't want to get called arrogant. He's going to need to come to a solution, and quick.   
  
He turns back to his apartment, letting the rain wash over his body. It's coming down in sheets, penetrating Touya's workout gear. Many people would find the sensation unpleasant, but Touya revels in it. Getting soaked suits his rapidly darkening mood.   
  
He arrives home about fifteen minutes later, kicking off sodden running shoes and stripping on the way to the bathroom. He's normally a neat person, but today he wants to leave a mess in his wake. He has a cleaning service that is due to come in tomorrow, and the childish part of his personality decides to make them actually work for once.   
  
Intellectually, he understands that he's acting like a sulky brat, and spreading a bit of his frustration around. Emotionally, he doesn't care. Misery loves company.   
  
He's got a cover to do for _Shonen Jump,_ one which needs to be finished in three days. Covers are a bit different than normal chapters. They have to be done much further out, which is galling because this time he's going to have to draw something completely unrelated to his plot. He doesn't even know which character to feature.   
  
The Copic markers sit accusingly on his worktable, but he brushes passed them as he heads to the shower. There's a reception he's committed to attending this afternoon, and he doesn't want to chance getting interrupted. Tomorrow he will work, he promises himself. If he can't find an acceptable idea by tomorrow morning, he'll follow Ichikawa's plans. Any ending is better than no ending at all, he tries to console himself.   
  
He sets the water temperature high, feeling the heat seep through his skin as he steps under the pounding spray. He likes it better than the cold showers he's been taking lately, but flashbacks of that night with Hikaru keep assaulting him at inopportune moments. He tries to take a couple of deep breaths, reminding himself that his sex life is not his primary concern right now. Unfortunately his body doesn't agree.   
  
He soaps up a hand and then moves to take care of it - for the second time in less than twelve hours. He shuts his eyes, letting his imagination kick in. There's only one person he wants to have right now, a man with bleach blond bangs and a well-shaped mouth.   
  
The sound of water fades into the background as he loses himself in the fantasy. He imagines Hikaru's mouth tracing his cock, sucking him like he had that time. Then Hikaru looks up, and after offering a sly smile, swallows Touya to the base of his balls, a deep slurping sound echoing in Touya's head.   
  
Touya pushes Hikaru away, and towards a bed - the same one as Touya has in his apartment. He imagines bending Hikaru over this time, and fucking him hard. He pictures the expression on Hikaru's face as he takes him, the rough sound of Hikaru's voice as he begs to be used anyway Touya wants to.   
  
Touya's imaginary self obliges, using impossible stamina to run Hikaru through every sexual position he's ever heard of. Hikaru's body is tight and sweet, and Touya can't get enough of him. Hikaru gasps compliments and pleas, saying obscene things whenever Touya keeps him from climaxing.   
  
It's a wonderful fantasy. Touya grips his cock in his hand, rhythmically pumping it as the water pours over him. Then he's _there_ and one more jerk of his hand sends him over the edge, and he comes hard.   
  
He's feeling a bit off-kilter as he steps out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his hyper-sensitive hips. He has never masturbated so frequently in his life. Thank god he doesn't have a roommate, because he just screamed so loud he's embarrassed.   
  
*   
  
A couple of hours later, Touya is at a reception being held by the industry. The fantasy of the morning has been put away, and he's dressed in a suit, his face cool and in control. He tries to avoid these gatherings like the plague, but this is one event he can't get out of. He's here to see his father get the Tezuka Osamu Cultural Prize.   
  
It's the most prestigious award in the manga industry, and it's the second time that Touya Kouyo is going to be honored. He is to be presented with a special award for his mentorship of the current generation of mangaka. All of his father's protegees are on hand, along with other notable personalities. It's a bit overwhelming to realize the extent of Touya Kouyo's influence.   
  
Touya knows most of them. His father has always had a bevy of assistants on hand, who help with the manga at all phases. Many of them move on to become best-selling mangaka in their own right. All of them know who Touya is, and most are friendly. They know that he's had to work to gain his skills, and that it hasn't been a free ride, even for him.   
  
It's only the ones who haven't actually worked with Touya Kouyo that offer him unwelcoming glances. Notable among them is Morishita Shigeo, who trained under Tezuka Osamu himself, but has only found moderate success since. There's plenty of people who want to become professional mangaka, and the industry is ruthless.   
  
Touya is always on the edge of these gatherings, since he's shy by nature and reclusive by choice. He sips at the glass of sparkling grape juice, wondering when things are going to start. He hasn't seen his father yet, but it's likely Kouyo's running the gauntlet of reporters on the way in. There's international interest in this award, since manga is becoming a major entertainment export. There's only six accredited journalists allowed in, so many have to wait outside.   
  
He's not going to be left alone, he notes with disappointment. The journalists all ask Touya for quotes. He gives them a rote response, about his pride in his father, but doesn't answer any questions on his own series. "This is my father's day," he demurs, before wandering away from them.   
  
There's another person he can't blow off so easily. His editor, Ichikawa Harumi, is dressed in a plain white blouse and a maroon skirt that shows off her legs. Touya's always felt like she's the big sister he never had, but is objective enough to notice that she's an attractive woman. He's used to her loyalty and snaps of temper. He based Ise Nanao off of her, though he will never admit it.   
  
"How are you doing, Akira-kun?" she asks as she comes to stand beside him.   
  
"Fine," he replies, bracing for the question he knows she's going to ask, the one he doesn't want to answer.   
  
"Really? I've been worried - I haven't gotten any new chapters from you," she says, and there's no condemnation in her voice. She's going to be in hot water with her superiors if he doesn't meet deadline, but she's not actually applying pressure on him. Yet.   
  
"It's a challenging part to write," he says, shrugging his shoulders. "I want to make sure I do it justice."   
  
"I'm sure whatever Akira-kun comes up with will be wonderful," she says, patting him on the shoulder comfortingly. She's smart enough not to interfere in his story, although she's obviously getting antsy about him falling out of his usual habits. He's not Ashiwara who rides the deadlines the way some thrill seekers walk along the edges of cliffs. She can offer him a little more leeway.   
  
Touya knows he can't let her down. "I hope you enjoy it," he replies, a vague answer that doesn't commit him.   
  
She smiles, and kisses him on the cheek. "I have faith in you," she tells him, then winks as she sashays away toward to Ogata Seiji, a former assistant of his father's.   
  
He watches them for a moment, reflecting that they'd make a good couple. Unfortunately Ogata is obsessed with his series, and doesn't notice the inviting way Ichikawa is leaning toward him. Touya starts to think about dropping hints to the older man when he observes Ogata steal a peek down Ichikawa's blouse.   
  
Ah. Maybe it would go more smoothly than he thought.   
  
He's smiling slightly when he turns away, glancing at his watch. It's ten minutes passed the scheduled start. He tries not to be irritated since these things always start late.   
  
"Patience, young man," a cracking voice says into his ear, and Touya turns to find he's acquired respected, although unwelcome, company.   
  
Kuwabara, the old geezer who is currently working on _Jo Jo's Bizarre Adventure,_ is grinning at him. Touya thinks the expression is vaguely terrifying, but there's no way he's going to show the old man he's intimidated. "Hello, Kuwabara-sensei."   
  
The man pulls out a cigarette, ignoring the fact the whole hotel is a non-smoking facility. He lights it with a specialized lighter - decorated with his characters - before taking a long drag. "I've been hearing some interesting rumors about you," the old man says. "Experiencing a bit of drought, are you?"   
  
Touya keeps his face expressionless, although he really wants to hunt down and kill whoever is spreading that tale. "It will pass," he says, shrugging his shoulders. "I haven't been worried about it."   
  
For some reason, that prompts a wheezing laugh from Kuwabara. "Then you're stupider than I thought. If you're facing a block, you have to acknowledge it."   
  
"My father has never had such issues," Touya replies, although that is another reason he's worried. "He just keeps working on through."   
  
"You're not your father, boy," Kuwabara responds, before displaying his uneven teeth in a scary grin. "Sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be."   
  
Touya opens his mouth to retort, but the old man is already moving away. He almost chokes from the smoke cloud Kuwabara blows in his face as he leaves.   
  
Thankfully the ceremony starts two minutes later. As the son of the honoree, Touya is forced to step forward to accompany his father. His father looks healthy, he thinks, since he's lightened his workload by taking on additional assistants and letting someone else handle the anime-side of his empire.   
  
They sit together listening as the Tezuka awards are given. The special award is announced last, and the emcee reads a long litany of Kouyo's accomplishments that are nothing short of impressive - and intimidating. Touya has a lot to live up to. It's funny that stories about a mechanical cat can spark so much devotion.   
  
Touya Kouyo is the epitome of grace as he accepts the crystal award. He makes a thoughtful, although short, speech about the pleasure he derives from everyone he's ever worked with, and his pride in what they've all accomplished.   
  
"And I hope none of you are offended by my blatant nepotism, but my favorite assistant was always my son, Akira," he says, after listing off over a dozen of the successful individuals he had mentored. There's a roar of laughter at that. "He's done me very proud, coming up with one of the current best-selling manga."   
  
Touya smiles as they acknowledge him with another round of applause, but inwardly wishes for the whole ceremony to just end so he can go home. He hates public attention. He knows that he's going to need alcohol after this. Lots and lots of double shots.   
  
His father wraps up the speech, and there's a reception next. Touya wonders if this will ever end.   
  
He stands beside his father as others come over to offer their congratulations. He's starting to space out, but then he catches sight of an unexpected face across the room. He nearly chokes on his own tongue as he sees Shindou Hikaru.   
  
Touya chides himself a second later, because he's being stupid. Of course Hikaru would have an invite. His manga is one of the current bestsellers.   
  
Hikaru is talking to Waya Yoshitaka, another relatively new mangaka. His series, _M×0,_ is amusing, but it lacks the true mastery that Hikaru displays. Touya wonders if he should approach them, but Waya notices him first, and offers him an unwelcoming glare. Touya nods to him, and decides that he'll approach Hikaru later.   
  
If at all. He's still not sure what to make of their date.   
  
But he does know that they're going to be around each other for quite a while, since they're both at the top of the industry. There's conventions and gatherings every week. While Touya keeps a low profile on the circuit, he can't avoid it entirely. He knows they will inevitably meet again, and it's best to sort things out.   
  
Touya decides he's paid enough attention to filial duty for a while, and tells his father he's going to get a drink. Touya Kouyo acknowledges the statement before turning back to Nase Asumi, the head of the CLAMP group.   
  
Touya heads over to the drinks table, and collected a glass of punch. He tries to come up with a plan on how to approach Hikaru. Then his thunder is completely stolen.   
  
"Yo! Akira!" Hikaru says, and he leaves Waya behind. Touya tries not to look smug, because Waya's going to take offense anyway. Best not rub it in.   
  
"Hello, Shindou," Touya responds. This is the first time they're meeting in a professional capacity, and he's going to treat Hikaru like a business acquaintance. It's not like the whole manga community doesn't know he's out of the closet, but he can imagine the gossip if it ever comes out that he slept with Shindou Hikaru. Now if he can just invite Hikaru somewhere private to talk, he can fix things. He hopes.   
  
A series of emotions passes over Hikaru's face, but they're gone too quickly for Touya to judge. Hikaru nods his head. "Hello, Touya," he replies.   
  
Touya lets his eyes wander over the room, indicating without words that he doesn't want an audience.   
  
Hikaru catches on quickly. "Would you like to get a cup of coffee?" he asks. "I saw a shop about two blocks from here that looks a bit quieter."   
  
Since they're starting the karaoke contest, anywhere is going to be quieter. Touya agrees, and ten minutes later they've left the conference and are in the shop. They place their orders and find a corner table.   
  
It's that weird lull time, nearly four in the afternoon, and the shop is fairly vacant. Touya takes a sip of his black coffee, and studies his companion. Hikaru's blue suit is ill-fitting, but he still looks good. The man's probably incapable of looking bad.   
  
"Maybe you should loosen your tie," Hikaru suggests as he does the same. "You look a bit tense."   
  
Touya follows the advice. "I just hate those kind of events. I'd rather be working."   
  
"It's cool to meet everyone," Hikaru responds. "Most of them are kind of weird, though."   
  
"It's a job requirement," Touya replies with a deadpan expression.   
  
Hikaru laughs. "Must be. My mom always thought I was pretty strange since I was always scribbling in my sketch pads. I still can't believe I can make a living doing this."   
  
"Not many people can." Touya starts to feel that bit of guilt creep up on him. If he hadn't been Touya Kouyo's son...   
  
"I think it works out the way it should," Hikaru says. "Talent rises to the top."   
  
Touya looks down at his coffee, swirling it around in the mug. "I guess."   
  
"I know," Hikaru replies, and there's certainty in how he's speaking. "It doesn't matter what the companies say; in the end, it's the fans who decide what they like. You could have all the connections in the world, but if you're not any good, they won't embrace your story."   
  
Touya looks into Hikaru's eyes, and sees the sincerity there. Hikaru's words set his heart racing, undermining the sense of inadequacy that's been overwhelming him lately. "Thank you," he whispers.   
  
Hikaru reaches across the table and squeezes Touya's hands. "What does your father think of _Bleach_?"   
  
Touya's sense of relief vanishes. "You would have to ask him," Touya answers. He's never asked what his father thinks because he doubts he would like the answer. _Bleach_ is nothing like his father's series, and doesn't convey the same values. His father is proud of his success, and that has to be enough.   
  
"Don't you ever talk about it with him?" Hikaru asks incredulously.   
  
"No," Touya says. "I don't want to need anyone else."   
  
"Talking doesn't mean you aren't standing on your own," Hikaru replies. "It's knowing you have someone to support you when things get difficult."   
  
Touya considers that, and wonders if it's a possible solution. His father has written thousands of chapters of _Doraemon,_ and he might be able to offer some insight. His father is famous for never missing a deadline.   
  
"Maybe," Touya says, before dropping his eyes. "How's _Death Note_ going?"   
  
"Well enough. I'm about to add another character, so I've been doing the basic concept drawings, and a bit of research. I haven't drawn that many girls before."   
  
"Oh?" Touya lifts his eyebrows to signify his curiosity. The latest development in Hikaru's story has another figure entering with the same power over death as the protagonist. "Is this the second Kira?"   
  
Hikaru gives a wicked smile. "I'm not telling you anything else."   
  
Touya feigns a pout, before bursting into laughter. Seconds later, Hikaru joins in, and they're soon laughing so hard that Touya feels tears start to form in the corners of his eyes. He raises a hand to brush them aside. "I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard," he confesses. "And I'm not even sure what I'm laughing at."   
  
"You know what? Neither am I." And they break down again, earning curious looks from the staff.   
  
It takes a while for them to regain their composure. "How long are you in Tokyo?" Touya asks, dropping his voice to a more seductive pitch.   
  
"Going back tonight," Hikaru replies warily.   
  
"Do you have to?"   
  
The question hangs in the air between them, and Touya knows he's just said something wrong. Hikaru drains the rest of his coffee in three gulps, then sets his cup down. "I like you, Akira, but I want you to like me, too," Hikaru replies. "I don't want to just be the nearest convenient warm body."   
  
Touya flushes. He certainly didn't make a good first impression. "I think I like you, too," he says.   
  
"Then why didn't you call?"   
  
Touya can't think of a reply that won't sound offensive. "Because I'm lousy at having relationships with anyone three-dimensional."   
  
"That's no reason not to try."   
  
"I don't want to hurt you... and I would." Touya knows he doesn't have the skills to make a relationship work. He's always so awkward around other people.   
  
"Being alive means I'm going to get hurt. But it also means I'm going to find things that make me happy, and I think you can do that for me." Hikaru pushes back from the table to rise to his feet. "I won't wait forever for you," he says, before leaning across the table to brush a gentle kiss across Touya's lips. "If you're not careful, you're going to end up chasing me."   
  
Touya watches him leave, wondering if he's making a mistake. But he can't have Hikaru in his life until he manages to resolve the uncertainty he's feeling. Hikaru doesn't deserve to be saddled with a basket case for a lover.  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

  
  
That night, Touya calls his father. For the first time in years, he admits he's having problems, and he needs help from his parent.   
  
His father doesn't sound surprised to hear from him, but there's really no telling if that's the truth. He's always been a secretive man. Touya Kouyo listens to his son carefully before speaking. "Are you thinking too hard on it, Akira?" his father asks.   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"You must remember the story you're trying to tell. You can't write it to please other people; you have to write it to please yourself," his father states. "You should write the way you want to, and not worry about what your fans, or even I, will think."   
  
"But what if I fail?"   
  
"Then you fail. I've written several other stories before _Doraemon_ took off. I will be proud of you no matter what happens because you tried."   
  
For so long he's lived with the fear of failure, of letting down his father and his audience. Touya shuts his eyes as his father's words manage to get through. He's been worried about what everyone else will think and his obligation to his characters. He hasn't thought on what he really wants to see.  
  
Touya thanks his father and hangs up the phone, deciding he's going to sleep. Trying to force his talent isn't going to work.   
  
He goes to bed a little early, but that's not what causes him to wake up at midnight. He has just had a dream, and now he knows what he needs to do.   
  
Touya goes back to his studio. He draws for two straight days.   
  
The gentle Aizen, who Touya had recently killed to illustrate the utter ruthlessness of his villain, Gin, suddenly opens up to him. Touya is amazed he couldn't see the plot before, but it's such a delightful twist in the tale that he can't help but privately crow about it. The idea sends him off like a rocket, and he can feel the adrenalin of creation, the certainty that he's finally found what he's been looking for. The characters are talking to him again, and it's amusing how easy it's to work with them after the months of being thwarted.   
  
He draws until his hand cramps, then he takes a ten minute coffee break before starting again. He's always known that Gin, a rather scary character hiding behind a fake smile, was one of the villains, but the dynamics change entirely as he realizes who the hidden mastermind is - and what they're intending to do to Rukia. The whole plot gels with a kind of certainty that makes him realize that there's much, much more to the story than the current arc.   
  
Thirty-four hours go by before Touya is finally tired enough to collapse. He goes to bed and sleeps for fourteen hours, waking up early on Tuesday morning, still feeling jazzed about what he's doing. He knows his story is good, and it's finally going in the right direction.   
  
He eats grapefruit for breakfast, planning his day. Some of the drawing euphoria has passed, but he doesn't have any doubts. He's finished two chapters - except for lettering, which his company prefers to add via computer - and he's made a good start on the third. If it keeps flowing like this, he's going to quickly get back to his three-months in advance of deadline schedule.   
  
But there's something else he wants to do before he burrows back down in an orgy of drawing. He picks up the phone and calls Hikaru. He waits as it rings several times, hoping that Hikaru actually answers. He's not sure if he dares leave a message.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"When's the next time you're going to be in town?" he asks without bothering to state his name.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"I want to see you again," he says.   
  
"I can meet you tonight," Hikaru replies, and he sounds cheerful. Either he's in town or he's going to skip out on work for today. "Do you want to get dinner?"   
  
"I'll cook," Touya volunteers, and then gives Hikaru directions to his home.   
  
Touya's competent in the kitchen when he wants to be. He puts together a simple meal of fish and fresh vegetables, after running out to the market to make sure he has everything he needs. There's several bottles of wine in his cupboard, and he can let Hikaru select what he likes. He tries to tell himself to stay calm, that this isn't supposed to be major, but he's never invited a date home. It feels like a huge step.   
  
The doorbell rings at seven on the nose, and Touya wipes his hands on a dishcloth before he goes to answer it. Hikaru is standing there, wearing jeans and a T-shirt, and holding a wrapped bottle that's likely wine. He looks casual and handsome, and Touya wonders if he's overdressed.   
  
Then Hikaru smiles, and he decides he doesn't care. "Hey," Hikaru said, handing the gift over. "Wasn't sure what you were making, so if it doesn't work, I'm sorry."   
  
Touya pulls back the covering to find a Chardonnay. "It'll go fine with the fish," he says. "Make yourself comfortable while I go chill this."   
  
Hikaru follows him in, and takes a place on the edge of Touya's brown sofa. Touya darts into the kitchen, not wanting to leave him alone, but also needing to take a deep breath. He's so tempted to forget about dinner and jump Hikaru's bones right now. While that would be fun, it's not all he wants from the other man.   
  
"It'll be another ten minutes," he calls from the kitchen as he finds a bucket that will serve. Filling it with ice, he places it on the table before returning back to his living room.   
  
Hikaru is not even attempting to hide his curiosity about Touya's home, letting his attention range over the interior furnishings. Most of the art on the wall are framed originals by a variety of manga artists. There's a well-equipped home theater, along with a bookshelf stacked with a hodgepodge of novels, nonfiction and manga.   
  
"You've got a nice place," Hikaru says.   
  
"It's serviceable."   
  
"Do you work here, or do you have a studio somewhere else?"   
  
"I work here," Touya responds. "It's more convenient, and I don't have any assistants, so it doesn't interfere with my privacy."   
  
"Can I see your desk?"   
  
It's a common enough question from Touya's guests, but he usually finds the idea invasive. He's very territorial when it comes to his work, and his drawing space is personal. Hikaru, a fellow artist, would understand.   
  
"After dinner," Touya replies.   
  
Hikaru smiles at him, and Touya relaxes. He _gets_ it.   
  
"How's your work going?" Hikaru asks. "You get over that bump?"   
  
"I did. I wanted to thank you for your advice."   
  
"So talking to your father helped?"   
  
"It did." He gives Hikaru a shy smile. "My story's moving forward again."   
  
"Really? Can I see?" It's a question not just from a colleague, but a fan.   
  
"After dinner," Touya says again, and then the timer goes off and he goes to pull the fish out of the oven. Hikaru follows after him.   
  
Dinner is good, although the wine isn't a great match with the meal. Touya decides not to point that out, because Hikaru shows every sign of enjoying himself. They talk sparingly, but the silence is comfortable between them.   
  
"I heard _Bleach_ is being made into an anime," Hikaru says. "Congratulations. Have they shown you any of the pre-production sketches?"   
  
Touya still has a hard time believing his series has been picked up. "A couple," he admits, "but I really haven't had much time to get involved. I've been promised that they're going to stick to my original story, but we'll see."   
  
"It's still very cool, either way. I'd love it if _Death Note_ gets made into an anime."   
  
"I'm sure it will be," Touya assures him. He is, because the companies would have to be blind not to notice the possibilities of the series. There's probably going to be a bidding war to acquire the rights.   
  
After a dessert of fresh fruit and cream, Touya invites Hikaru to see his studio. It's like being seen naked, he thinks, as Hikaru wanders around. As a fellow artist, Hikaru has a sharp eye. He notices Touya's preferred quill pens, and mentions that he uses the same kind. They both like the depth the pens help convey. Then they start talking about technique, and Touya finds himself relaxing.   
  
They talk about Hikaru's series as well as _Bleach_ , and Hikaru looks through the next two chapters and is complimentary, although he hasn't read the ten waiting to be published. He promises not to spill the beans, and Touya trusts him. He never would have let Hikaru into his studio if that wasn't the case.   
  
Finally Hikaru is done poking around, and he turns to Touya. "Thank you for inviting me," Hikaru says. He wraps his arms around Touya and pulls him close for a kiss. "I know you don't let many people this close."   
  
"There's few people special enough," Touya replies, before depositing a couple of kisses along Hikaru's neck. Hikaru practically purrs, arching his head so more skin is exposed for Touya to suckle. The skin is soft and he can't resist trying to bruise it with a hickey.   
  
"I want you," Hikaru whispers, "but only if you're going to be there when I wake up in the morning."   
  
Touya realizes that it's going to take some time to overcome the inadvertent damage he did to Hikaru's trust by leaving that first night without a goodbye. He's willing to make the effort, because his instincts are telling him Hikaru is going to be worth it. Hikaru is going to become the most important person in Touya's life.   
  
Touya kisses him on the forehead, before kissing his lips. "Where else would I be? This is my home."   
  
Hikaru smiles, and pulls Touya to his feet. "Where's your bedroom?"   
  
Touya gestures for Hikaru to follow him, and Hikaru does so without comment.   
  
When they reach the bedroom, Hikaru starts to remove Touya's clothing. Touya's own hands work on returning the favor, and they laugh as they inadvertently get in each other's way. Finally they are both naked, both sporting visible arousals.   
  
"What do you want?" Hikaru asks.   
  
The images Touya's mind has entertained for the past couple of weeks nearly overwhelm him, and he feels himself getting harder at the idea. He promises himself they will have time to try some of the others out later, but for tonight he wants to focus on making Hikaru scream.   
  
"Take a seat," Touya says, gesturing toward the bed.   
  
Hikaru sits on the edge of the bed with a bemused look. Touya kneels between his legs. He's never liked giving blow jobs, having done it as a bit of quid pro quo in the past. This time, though, he's excited by the idea. He wants to send Hikaru out of his mind with pleasure.   
  
He kisses Hikaru's stomach, tracing the light sprinkling of hair that runs from Hikaru's bellybutton to his groin with feather-light pecks. Resting a hand on Hikaru's hip, he uses the other the other to grasp his cock firmly at the base.   
  
Hikaru nearly hisses as he exhales, and Touya tilts his head back so he can watch the reaction. Still holding on, Touya takes his free hand and wraps it around the shaft. He moves his hand up and down, applying firm pressure. Hikaru tries to buck once, but Touya pulls away.   
  
"No," he says firmly.   
  
Hikaru gives him a dark look in response, but what Touya does next earns his approval. Touya touches his tongue to the slit of Hikaru's cock, tasting the saltiness of the precum, before running his tongue along the length of the shaft. Hikaru murmurs his pleasure. "Yes, like that..."   
  
Hikaru's expression makes all the difference. It's exciting to see the effect his touch has on his lover. He finds the feeling of Hikaru in his mouth arousing, and he takes a moment to savor the firmness between his lips. He sucks on the head of Hikaru's penis before opening his mouth and trying to swallow as much as he can.   
  
"God, stop... I'm going to come!" Hikaru says frantically, but Touya has no intention of stopping. Rising up on his knees, he sucks just a little bit harder and is rewarded for his effort.   
  
The cock jerks and there's a couple of spurts of cum. It tastes interesting, Touya thinks as he swallows, before pulling away. He licks his lips, deciding that he likes the flavor.   
  
Hikaru falls back onto the bed, panting as he tries to catch his breath. "Damn," he says finally, and Touya grins as he climbs up beside Hikaru. He's going to have this beautiful man, he thinks with satisfaction.   
  
"You are something else," Hikaru manages to get out a moment later.   
  
"I am not a cock tease," Touya says, smiling slyly, running a hand over Hikaru's chest affectionately. He's still hard himself, painfully so, and he considers asking Hikaru to return the blow job in kind. He drops his hand to his cock, and starts to stroke himself, looking at Hikaru suggestively.   
  
Hikaru watches him masturbate for a moment, before catching Touya's hand to stop him. He reaches his other hand behind Touya's head to pull him down for a kiss. Touya opens his mouth in surprise as Hikaru pushes his tongue in, swiping it around inside Touya's mouth like he's drinking him in. They kiss for a minute or so, then Hikaru breaks it off.   
  
"You taste like me," Hikaru says, smirking in satisfaction. "I guess I owe you a thank you."   
  
"I guess you do," Touya replies. He waits, wanting to see what Hikaru has in mind.   
  
"Lay back," Hikaru says, and Touya does so, making himself comfortable. Another kiss, tangling their tongues and saliva together, and then Hikaru starts to move downward, earning loud encouragement.   
  
"Don't be a tease, Hikaru," Touya says as Hikaru kisses his stomach. "Use your mouth on my cock."   
  
Hikaru answers with a smile, and a teasing hand that goes down to massage his balls. Touya pushes against it, but Hikaru pulls away before the hand job really can get going.   
  
"Bastard," Touya swears at him.   
  
Hikaru kisses his thigh lightly. "You'll like what I've got planned more," he promises. "You got any lube around here?"   
  
"Night table... drawer..." Touya manages to get out, distracted for a moment by the feel of a playful nip on his left hip.   
  
Hikaru moves quickly, finding what he needs. There's a ripping sound as a condom package is opened. He slides the condom on Touya, and Touya groans at the feel of fingers. Then Hikaru gives him a sexy smile, opens the lube, and squeezes a small pool onto Touya's chest.   
  
Touya has a moment to blink in confusion before he understands what Hikaru has planned. Hikaru crouches over him, dipping into the lube to spread it over the condom. Then he gathers more and starts to finger himself, preparing to take it up the ass.   
  
"Ready?" Hikaru asks a moment later. He doesn't wait for an answer, grabbing Touya's cock in one hand, and lowering himself onto the tip. His face is pinched, but then he sinks down and starts to move.   
  
Hikaru rides on top of Touya grunting and panting as he finds a rhythm. He moves up and down, his hands clenched tight at his sides. Touya can't help but see Hikaru's erection returning, and he smirks.   
  
Touya tries to keep from coming too quickly. The feel of Hikaru's body around him is hot and tight, and he has to twist the sheets to keep control. He lifts his hips upwards, meeting Hikaru's downward stroke.   
  
"Damn," Hikaru says, and his body is shining with sweat. He angles himself so Touya is hitting his prostate each time he slides back down, and it's so good he's saying so out loud in a string of nonsensical words that Touya can't quite decipher.   
  
They're close, both of them, to climax again, and Touya decides to help things along. His hand reaches out and starts stroking Hikaru's cock, and he's not surprised when Hikaru comes again, splattering cum onto Touya's chest. He starts to slump forward but Touya's hands catch him, before Touya rolls them over. Hikaru's legs are splayed on either side of him and Touya stares down into unfocused gray eyes.   
  
"You're beautiful," he whispers, stealing a kiss, before seeking his own completion. He gives two more thrusts, and then he orgasms, too.   
  
*   
  
Three months later, Touya inks the final page of his current arc. He feels satisfaction, and knows there's a grin on his face as he pushes back from the desk. He's again three months ahead of deadline, but that's not why he smiles. _Bleach_ will keep running for quite a while, and he still has enough plot twists up his sleeves to keep his readers engaged.   
  
The surety in his abilities is comforting to him, and he knows having Hikaru in his life is one of the reasons for it. He has someone to talk to, someone to compete with, someone who understands. Getting used to living together - Hikaru moved in a month ago - has been challenging, but a series of compromises has helped.   
  
They work in separate rooms, since both are too idiosyncratic to be able to work in close proximity. Hikaru has a tendency to talk to himself while drawing, which drives Touya mad. Touya can get violent when interrupted, so it's best they have their own space.   
  
It's a pleasant life, and Touya's doing well. He still spends all day drawing, but when night comes he sets aside his pens and enjoys Hikaru's presence. They discuss - usually quite loudly as they insult the other's intelligence, talent and taste - what they're working on. When the pre-copies of _Shonen Jump_ arrive they spend a couple hours reading through, critiquing the printing job and catching up on their favorite series. Both of them are otaku at heart, and they can spend hours debating the merits of the latest match up in _Prince of Tennis,_ or what is going to happen next in _Naruto._ Of course, they could always call and ask Ogata or Ashiwara personally, but that would spoil part of the fun.   
  
Sometimes they go out and meet with some of their other friends, but often times they stay in. He knows that at some point, the constant sex should grow old, but he can't imagine ever getting tired of Hikaru. Hikaru is full of life and motion, and can shakes Touya out of his occasional moody phases. In turn, Touya understands Hikaru, and is able to shake him when melancholia strikes.   
  
They've toyed about working together someday, but neither has yet to suggest an idea they both can agree on. They see the world too differently, although they do think of similar topics. Their different interpretation of shinigami are a running argument between the two, especially when Hikaru spends too long working on his series. Working with Raito, Hikaru's homicidal, would-be god of a protagonist, for extended periods of time tends to make Hikaru positively strange for a while after.   
  
Touya knows that if they ever find a topic to work together on, they'll draw the perfect manga. That is, provided he can ever drag the truth about Sai out of Hikaru. There's still a certain secrecy about Hikaru's doujinshi-partner that Touya wants to get to the bottom of. Hikaru has promised to tell the truth "someday," so Touya is forcing himself to wait.   
  
He has faith that day will come. Hikaru claims he fell in love with Touya as soon as he set eyes upon him; Touya pretends to humor him, since telling him the truth would only lead to a fight.   
  
Touya doesn't believe in love at first sight; he's not sure if he believes in love at all. He does know that what he feels for Hikaru transcends anything he's ever felt before, and that's enough for now. All that matters is that they somehow work, and Touya doesn't feel alone anymore.   
  
It's on their first anniversary - the night they met in the bar, since Hikaru insists the first time they had sex should count - that they manage to stumble across the idea that marks their first (of many) successful collaborations. They're walking together, hand in hand, down the streets of one of the older neighborhoods.   
  
Hikaru stops suddenly, glancing over at a go salon. Touya wonders what has attracted his attention, since Hikaru tends to find inspiration in weird places.   
  
"What is it?" Touya asks, feeling like something momentous is about to happen. He has good instincts, and he knows Hikaru is about to suggest something that will change their lives.   
  
"You know, I bet we could write an awesome manga about Go," Hikaru says.   
  



End file.
